I feel I will just continue to go with this as long as the working thoughts keep surfacing. I just thought I would add these thoughts this morning to what seems to have turned into a number of posts that have all just unfolded from the one before.
What was the tipping point in all my life that brought about these significant changes? I will speak to the fruit it produced. Peace....like never before, joy...like never before, hope...like never before, an ability to love and be loved...like never before, being in the present like never before so as to be able to really listen to the one in front of me.....in short new freedoms began to change everything. And then began the unwinding of anger...fear of loss...anxiety caused by the fear of loss...stress and many other things that had begun to feel like a heavy weight I didn't know if I could carry anymore. All my best efforts to change these things had failed. Oh...but when Love came to town...I found out that he's very experienced in these matters.
I think the change began in earnest the day the curtain was pulled back in my life and CONTROL WAS EXPOSED. What an ugly thing that hides behind many disguises. It wasn't until I my eyes were opened to the ways in which I used control and the ways I was being controlled by people and the world system that freedom began to happen. Or at least I was able to see and feel it. God had already begun that process without me even knowing it. The process of setting me free from these things. If he hadn't, it wouldn't have happened because we humans just aren't that bright and won't let go of control on our own.
I was so shocked and amazed with this big exposing in my life that set this all in motion. Where did the Spirit begin this awaking with me? My family....my wife and my children. It hit me hard. I had an 18 year flash back when it came to my wife and it broke me. I had been a very caring and loving husband most of those years. Always wanting the best for us and working hard for it. I was there for my wife I believe more than most husband are these days.....but it was still about control. I had been there for my children in a big way. Usually always available, and man, did I love these girls...but it was still about control. I came to realize the American Christian script had taught me to control the ones I am actually called to serve.....controlling them is not loving and serving them.
So after this awakening and exposure happened in my life, the question to me became: Are you ready to give up this control game that you have been trapped in, brought on by your alienation from me? I said yes and with the suggestion from Jesus, I jumped from that speeding train.
EVERYTHING BEGAN TO CHANGE.......