I was reminded today of a video someone shared with me earlier this year that almost made me fall out of my chair with laughter. It had been a long time since I had seen it and it certainly, at that time took on a totally different meaning for me.
For all of my friends that hang out here you all are familiar with the undoing God set in motion and walked me through last year. This video reminded me of that time and how pathetic I was while in the midst of it and fighting to hang onto my old life. I never once thought about leaving but I think you will get the general idea when you see the clip. I'm so glad Papa had his way with me and I let go of the things(mostly a belief system) that stood in the way.
If you find yourself in a frustrating, disorienting, coming undone time, this video might not be funny to you in the same way it is for me. But I can promise you, when you get through it, having let go of the things that stand in the way of a dynamic loving, trusting relationship with God, you will look back and laugh. Well, at least I do when I look back on how big of a jerk I was.
The Jerk
11 comments:
Great scene, Kent!
As I am new to your blog and your story I am curious as to what you tried to take with you on your way out.
Haha! That's funny hehe :)
Chad, like I said, I never ever thought about leaving so there wasn't anything I tried to take with me. The clip just depicted how pathetic and silly our behavior is when we are fighting for ourselves and "our way."
I remember one day being so flippin mad I was screaming at my wife and daughters asking them to just please try to find a bone they could throw me so as to at least make me think they cared a little bit about what was important to me.
I still remember the blank looks on their faces staring back at me. And you all might ask; Well, did they throw you a bone? NOOOOOOOOOOO........ they/God just let me dangle and convulse for awhile longer. God really met none of my requests during that time....or so I thought. I had been asking for freedom from all the frustration/exhaustion/failed attempts to keep it all together and he answered in a most powerful way. He let "that me" dangle in the wind until I was ready to say; "I give up."
It really is funny looking back on it today but in the moment it was scary and painful and I was so pissed off.
I find that even just moving from one season of life to another, without trying to literally leave home, I still try to take stuff with me. I'm doing it now and it's painful and I'm pissed off, but I laughed like crazy watching this clip!
Kent, it's hard to imagine your online persona (and what I heard on The God Journey podcast) screaming at anyone! Glad to hear you are so human. ;)
Thanks for sharing, Kent. I apreciate your authenticity.
Tina, like I have said before, I'm am just a reflection of who I was before. You all have met me after these happenings in my life with Papa. I do think you would have liked me before but I must be honest.....it wasn't real and it was always on the edge of blowing up. I think of how disorienting this was during that time period for me, and then I think of Julie my wife and can so understand how disorienting these changes in me have been for her. It was so scary for her also. She loves this change but still has moments that the fear of the unknown grabs her and gives her a good rattle. She wants to come along (and I am certain she will) but she is still hanging on to her familar space, still hesitant to journey out from her own prison. But Jesus is calling her to venture out and I sense it and see it in her eyes...she will someday take those steps.
With such a great spiritual giant as yourself ;) how could Julie not venture out into the great agarophobic spaces?
The freedom smells to compelling to do anything else :D
Sue, are you trying to get back at me now after last weeks uncomfortable exchange for you? That spiritual giant tag makes me uncomfortable. That's just your great sense of humor shining through.
Isn't it funny that even after you have begun to see that the space you are in is what is making it impossible to breathe and that you are bound by chains, walking out of that space is just terrifying.
As we are learning Sue, it takes a little time for us to come to KNOW that this is about his love for us. When she feels safe enough, she will be willing to lose the old life so she can walk out into freedom in Him in those wide open spaces.
Yeah, I think in the depths of my black black heart I was getting back at you for last week :) Do you want me to delete the comment hehehe???
awesome to hear of the transforming work God has accomplished in you kent!
I'm sorry, but I just have to say this....(hopefully most have seen the movie)
-The Lord loves a working man
-if you get it, find a doctor and get rid of it!
-Are you feeling different again Naven?
classic...
peace,
Todd
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