This is a continuation from the Vertigo post. I'm really not in a place of vertigo at this present time. Sometime last year that feeling began to lift from me and I began to get my footing again. It was just footing on different ground than I had ever stood before. I will describe it as a place where I began to embrace uncertainty and began to accept ambiguity. I've never felt more secure. Quite a paradox don't you think?
I have no idea what awaits me around the next corner....but I am certain God will be with me. It's all I am certain about. And it is enough for me in this new place. Tomorrow I might be feeling a bit of vertigo again but I don't spend much time thinking about tomorrow any more. What is in front of me right here, right now, is all there is and that is enough to concern myself with.
I'm learning to like the way this feels because I am learning that this is the only place Jesus is. We had a wonderful time at work today in conversation with a number of people. I must end this post right now because we are going to watch Amie dance. I wonder what awaits us there? We will see.
4 comments:
I can't seem to write, read, or think anything anymore without the word "paradox" appearing somewhere.
I like the way it feels too, Kentster. I think I'm a bit more flighty than you, maybe, and have more periods of discombobulation - but I'm okay even with that. We're all on different journeys, right? But I think you're probably a few steps ahead of me in some ways, so it's nice to get a brother throwing back what he's seeing from the road ahead. :)
Sue, I just felt like posting vertigo last night to encourage people to hold through the discombobulation as you call it. I have heard it so ofen and see it so often that people abandon the process because they have been told that confusion is not of God. I think we get this so wrong. God is not confused at all, but we mere mortals are at times nothing but confused even when we have convinced ourselves that we are not. "We have absolute truth." you will hear then say. Well, all I have to say about that is so does the guy and gal down the street from the other tribe and they see it differently than you do. Take you pick from among some 20 thousand different protestant tribes and you will see a different spin coming from most of them. When you have the courage to step back and take a critical look at it all it really is just sad(silly).
Tonight's post is inspired by U2 again. The song Gone has this thought in it:
"You're taking steps that make you feel dizzy
Then you learn to like the way it feels."
I really haven't had much discombobulation in awhile now. Things that used to just trip me up haven't been tripping me up anymore. One of them being all the contradiction that swirled around in me little ol head when it came to doctrine and Christian World View. Today there really is a sense of peace and rest with no striving. It really does feel good. But.....that doesn't mean circumstances have been all smooth. It really has been a sense of calm in the storm. Storms that used to just send me over the edge with frustration and anger just don't seem to do that anymore.
Learning to live in the moment, knowing that it is all we have, has been huge. Knowing that Jesus is the Word of God and he is true and learning to entrust myself unto him is changing everything. It really does feel like I am learning to not worry about "what might happen" tomorrow. There is still so much more freedom for me/us to walk into in that area though. There are many ridiculous voices screaming at us to be afraid. They are being exposed for what they are and are being silenced.
Discombobulated, I like that word. I think that pretty well sums up how I have felt lately -- with moments of vertigo; where life is very disorienting and you think you might be sick.
Your post made me think of a game I have been playing to get my mind of things called Portal. In the game you get a whole new level of "you can't do that!" freedom by creating portals between rooms, floors, walls, ceileings, etc. that break all the laws of nature. It can be very disorienting at first, but wow does it open up all kinds of new possibilites. Maybe that's what freedom in Christ is like?
Rick, you are right about the new possibilities. Actually when you think about it, the freedom that God offers us is all there really is that is REAL(ity).
The move from the dead end road that we have been on and all it's illusions and lies...into the reality that Jesus lived in and opens up for us will be disorienting. As our eyes are opened to the lies this world tells us and has been pretty successful in convincing us we must abide by, and we begin to turn from them and walk into the spaces we see Jesus leading us into, the disorientation actually opens up into an orientation we have never really seen before. Natural eyes CAN NOT see it.
Even FREEDOM takes on a meaning that the worldly orientation never allowed us to understand. There it is again Sue, more paradox.
Thanks to all who have been participating in these conversations. This is fun seeing some of Father's workings through you all's perspective. That's cool.
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