I was sitting around tonight after talking to a friend and a song came to mind and after listening to it another came to mind. The first song has tremendously deep special meaning to me. The live version of Etcetera Whatever from OTR's Live From Nowhere vol.1 is IMHO one of the best musical performances ever. But this song Nobody Number One came to mind as I was thinking about how painful and difficult a process it is when God is at work, moving us from the prisons we have constructed, into the freedom he longs for us to live in. To come home in a sense. This song played a part in digging up many things in my heart, soul and mind during one such period in my life a couple years ago. Actually, I was in the midst of it two years ago to this very time.
I cried many tears and released many groanings with this song playing. And then after a time the reason for the tears began to change and the groanings turned into an easier breathing than I had ever known. I began to breathe for the very first time.
The pain, the tears, the groanings are all worth it. The former way of attempting to numb the pain or to keep the pain away is a part of the prison we need freed from. We must face it and embrace it and walk through it. Freedom is on the other side.
Nobody Number One
Over The Rhine
I’m afraid I’ve lost the piece of me
I need the most you see
This puzzle is really just about the need
To be somebody
I’m afraid I’m not all that you see
All along the coast of me
I’m camouflaged, a desert mirage
A nobody
But you came so close and I assumed
You were looking
For the piece of yourself that’s lost
It is the hiding place inside everybody
And though we love to numb the pain
We come to learn that it’s in vain
Pain is our mother
She makes us recognize each other
C’mon now child don’t cry
C’mon now child don’t cry
Let’s give it one more try
C’mon now child don’t cry
Sometimes I feel so all alone
Here in this city I call my home
They say, Hey, you’re one of us
Funny, I should feel so anonymous
But I’m drawn to you
And that still small voice is talking too
And that’s the voice that so seldom can get through
You can’t put no bandaid on this cancer
Like a twenty-dollar bill
For a topless dancer
You need questions
Forget about the answers
Do you really wanna die this way
That’s the trouble with you and me
We always hit the bottom ‘fore we get set free
I’m so far down
I’m beginning to breathe
C’mon now child don’t cry
C’mon now child don’t cry
Let’s give it one more try
C’mon now child don’t cry
Cuz we’re just too young to die
3 comments:
Etcetera Whatever is my fave Over the Rhine song out of them all (from my limited one-album experience anyway). Is it possible to email me that live version?
I'm gearing up to buy the next album soon. Which do you recommend?
Yes, it is so terribly, horribly painful when he is moving around the furniture but worth it worth it worth it. Your journey is a pleasure to behold, Kentster. Thanks for sharing.
As for your next OTR purchase I would probably say Ohio. It's a double CD which means more songs and it is so good. Drunkard's Prayer is so beautiful and it is a CD full of songs of the hard word of saving their marriage. Very personal.....full of pain and hope.
And as for me so often going back to things I have experienced or am at present time experiencing, it is just to send out some encouragement to others to hang on and to not abandon the process. I know all too well of the opposing voices and bad advice that most of us are surrounded by. All too often people abandon the process of transformation because they are encouraged to avoid the pain and confusion and to take control. I know that because I used to do it to other people with my "fix-it" mentality. That was a tough one that had to be broken in me. Part of that process of breaking got worked out two years ago when I had to ignore that kind of advice and walk out into the scary dark night all by myself.
I just keep hearing that still small voice saying, Kent, all you have is your story and what has been accomplished and the hope that has been birthed through the process. That is enough.
And then usually songs are attached to it all and that gives me an excuse to share them.
Kent,
These are lyrics are beautiful and stark....so glad that you're sharing the language of "surrender" in the midst of a bunch of other voices that promote crazy self-striving, effort, etc.
life is so much better if with God's help we can "sync" with him, but this usually involves brokenness and recognizing our own exhaustion, which is hard...and the temptation seems to be to settle down for a little while...then start right back up....God help us(me) ha ha!
peace,
Todd
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