Saturday, March 22, 2008


I had such an emotional morning at work today. I was asked a few different times from clients if everything was okay. In one way I knew things weren't okay, I was very sad and very troubled and in another way I felt more alive personally then ever and so keenly aware of it. The emotion that was stirring right under the surface threatening to burst like a dam was due to a longing I have. It's a burden for others that are stuck. We all have these things...some more than others...but this morning I was acutely aware of how most people don't want to take an honest look into themselves. It's just easier to hold your familiar ground and demand that everyone else move. Everyone I talked to this morning fell into this category.

In the midst of all of these conversations this morning something a friend shared with me awhile back also continued to reverberate through my mind. It was the other thing that threatened to sweep me away in emotion. This is what I am longing to see for others that are trapped (STUCK) in see them move outside that space that might be familiar and feels safe and right but in reality it is a prison and is a big part of perpetuating the fear and suspicion many hold towards others.

Although every human being is a universe within their very being...
some hardly dare explore outside the bare house they grew up in.
A few travel to the edge of their inner town,
fewer still to other cities.
But is rare to find one that has lifted from the ground
to set sail for places undiscovered.
Fly high...

This morning's conversations were about race relations in our country. But this is just one example. Do we dare look beyond what we presently think and believe or will we stay within the house we grew up in?


Sue said...

Such heartfelt yearning in this post, Kentster.

Tell me, would you say you have a healthy dose of courage in your personality? Adventurousness? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I do have a good dose of that. I always have. I just got born that way. I'm grateful because it's been my saving grace. I think if I hadn't have had this underlying niggling in my soul for as long as I can remember that the answers are out there and to keep moving forward, I would have disappeared long ago into some kind of borderline personality disorder.

I guess what I'm ramblingly saying is that it's easier if you do have that extra dollop of courage in your personality arsenal to go into the places we need to go most. For others, it's harder. I get frustrated too at how fearful people are. Sometimes it really pisses me off, to be honest, because it's so obvious how those unfounded fears are holding people back.

I guess all you can do is keep reporting back from the wider vistas. And pray. And know that Papa is in the process of untying all of those knots.

Anyway, apologies for blathering on so, in your comments :) I just woke up and I don't even know if this is making much sense.

You've got a big heart, Kentster dude.

Kent said...

Sue, I grew up as a very shy child except for when I was within my peer group and immediate family. The fear of communication began to be conquered when I began to train for my profession. Shy quiet hairstylists have a tough time.

Adventurous...yes. Passionate...too much sometimes.

Race has always been something that has been there in the back of my mind. During the time when the house of cards began to come down in my life and I emerged with a completely altered world view racial reconciliation became something my neart just ached for. I began to read Dr. King and began to come to terms with the realities of being white and being male. All of this was a part of the curtain being pulled back to expose the hidious nature of POWER and CONTROL and myself being in the group that has been on top for long time. It was the year of repentance brought on by stepping outside of the life I had lived and defended for so long but had confused and uncomfortable in due to the words of Jesus that just frustrated me and wouldn't go away.

Does that make me courageous, I don't know, maybe? I was just responding to an invitation that at that time was silly to refuse. The road I had been on had been exposed for what it was and the thought of staying on it just seemed stupid.

Sue said...

"Does that make me courageous, I don't know, maybe? I was just responding to an invitation that at that time was silly to refuse"


Well, yes. Perhaps this is where pragmatism comes in handy. This is how I tend to see things too. "Oh, okay. Look here. I have just been served up the insight that I am totally, completely wrong in this area and need to start working on it." And so off you go, taking one step forward, not knowing where the next one leads.

Yes, I think that IS called courage. Because tons of people see what needs to be done, and yet don't move forward. And that's what I just can't understand (help me understand, Papa). How do people sit in the place where they see they can't stay? Isn't that the most dangerous place to be? I dunno, dude. To me, ultimately and totally paradoxically, stepping out into the unknown is all about safety in the end. You can't stay where you have set up camp. You never could.

Isn't it funny that it turns out that the safest place to be is out on a limb? Weird, huh?

Sue said...

PS: Have you read Willie's latest post?

Kent said...

Sue, this is funny. I was getting ready to send you an email with a link to his latest post. I had it copied and ready to paste.

He read to Julie, myself Dan and Jon while he was here to get our thoughts on it. I love how he is able to express such things in such a way that just, (as an interviewer once said: fillets you open so gently). The timing of it being posted today was perfect. I had just made this post here and linked over to windrumors and there it was. It was what I needed at the time to calm me down and bring things back into perspective. These changes are not for me to fret about as if I could make anything happen anyway.

Back to the moment with what is in front of me and hopefully to stay.

Sue said...

Oooh *cue Twilight Zone music*

"Back to the moment with what is in front of me and hopefully to stay."

Well, that remains to be seen, but even if you don't stay, even if you fly off into dumb stupidity, the land of You Can't Effect Change Anyway But Here, Bang Your Head Against this Brick Wall For A Couple of Hours (I know it well - see my blood marks on the wall over there??) he will bring you back again ;)


Happy Easter, dude. Have I said that? I'll say it again. Happy Easter, dude.

Kent said...

Have you seen this?

I love it when he talks about the story of Jacob.

Sue said...

I just got to the bit where he talks about Jacob. I don't think I've ever put two and two together about that before. How cool!!

Oh, man, don't you love how Grace takes us to the deepest darkest bits, walks us out of them by threading herself through them?

Kent said...

It's Papa's love for us Sue that takes us to the place where we can be honest...and only his love for us. It's all about Grace

There really is no longer a reason to hide. I love how Paul describes it..."I'm Jacob and I am a heal grabber, a lier and a cheat."

Okay Kent my son, I can work with that.

Sue said...

That comment reminds me of a conversation I had with my cousin the other night. I was thinking back about how it was that I first assented intellectually to the whole Christian thing when I was 22 years old, and have said that this is when I became a Christian. BC and AD. And yet, the longer I go on, the more I see how he has threaded himself through my entire life, all the way back to the start.

Which we all intellectually assent to, of course, but to recognise his presence and influence and breath even before I recognised it myself in any measure? Even in those teenage years when I was going out getting copiously drunk and sleeping with the DJ at the pub? Yeppers. Definitely.

I am having a ball this morning hanging out with you and Paul. Neither of you are actually here (and Paul is even further removed, hanging out with him as I am through a videotaped interview with someone else) ... but somehow, we all fellowship despite the time and space issues (which are constructs, anyway)

Kent said...

It is cool isn't it? And Paul has been with me also. We've had a couple emails back and forth during this time. Even his daughter Amy.

I agree Sue. When our daughter was going through her tough season one morning I was sitting in the garden on a beautiful morning and I remember having this thought pop into my head...or was that Jesus' voice? "Remember your prodigal years? I was with you every step of the way and those years are a part of who you are. You would not be who you are without them, I redeem everything."

Yep, it's pretty cool.

Sue said...

So true. That must have been a relief for you, so you were able to take your foot off the control pedal a bit and just be with her.

This life is so weird. So so so weird.


Kent said...

and learning to just be here with her has become so sweet.

Life so often is stranger than fiction.

Aida said...

Good morning, Kent & Sue. You both are having a lovely conversation here so I thought I'd butt in. I don't have a lot of time but something you said, Kent, (or typed) caught my eye.

You said, "Remember your prodigal years? I was with you every step of the way and those years are a part of who you are. You would not be who you are without them, I redeem everything."

I think that's awesome! We want to wipe out the past and start all over again but we are who we are because of where we've been and what we've done . . . good or bad.

Well, I need to get ready. We're going to be joining my daughter and her family for brunch at the Sunday morning building before we settle down for the big Easter show. My granddaughter prayed last night that we'd go to the brunch so here we are being the answer to that prayer.

I hope you have a great day today. I'll probably catch up with you later.

Cheers to the two of you.

Sue said...

Heya Aida

Cheers to you too. Hope you have a great day. Me, I'm just about to go nigh-nighs.

This spinning globe thang - it's weird, isn't it?