Thursday, May 08, 2008


I had a couple conversations today with friends/co-workers about life and health really being out of our control. One of our co-workers (Jenny, say a prayer for her) ended up in the hospital having developed a serious case of pneumonia but things have gotten much worse since. She is now in intensive care due to a staff infection in her lungs. Jenny is 34 with a husband and two young children and she keeps telling others that she knows she is not going to get out of there alive. I pray Jenny is wrong. But do any of us really know? Anything could happen. Today it seems to us that she is closer to falling asleep to the world than we are. But do we really know?

I received good health news today about my tests, but the reality is I might not make it past tomorrow. I've come to a place of accepting all these uncertainties because I came to a place of seeing the absurdity of thinking denying them changed the reality one way or another. Some people hear me explain this and respond with something like this: "Well, that's just a scary way to live." All I can think in a moment like that is "Oh really? And the way most people approach life by refusing to deal with their mortality and not being in control leads to a fear free life?" All I have to go on is that I used to live trying to control it all, and all that life produce was fear and frustration and more fear. While today I am experiencing more peace than I ever really thought possible, having accepted the reality that I am a mortal human being that is ultimately unable to control the uncertainty of my days. I continue to find out that most things are opposite of what I had been shaped to believe.

It turns out accepting the things I used to deny and run from (or play religious games with) in an attempt to avoid them at all cost, set in motion the thing I had always longed for. Peace and rest grounded in trust/love. I also know this change in me didn't happen because I decided one day to not fear anymore. It seems these changes come about as we become more and more aware of the presence of Father Son and Spirit being with us and knowing we are safe with them and at home. Whatever may come, we can either face it and remain grounded in the reality they bring and remain at rest and in peace, or we can make a choice between all the other options/illusions and work really hard to find something that does not exist in any of those illusions.


Sue said...

Indeedy indeedy, Kentster.

Indeedy it is so.

I have been praying for your friend Jenny because her kids need her.

Kent said...

Thanks Sue. It's never easy for any of those involved, especially young children. I believe Jenny is going to make it and will be back with us all very soon. I love this girl. She is so loving and caring and just a hoot to be around. Hilarious.

Joel Brueseke said...

I've found that my health problems have worked together with the peace and joy I've found in the Lord to produce even more peace and joy. And just like something you said, this hasn't happened overnight, but over a period of time in which I've grown to trust Him more, and my circumstances less.

I have a condition called Barrett's Esophagus, which, in short, is a condition that can turn into cancer. Along with other ailments that I've had, when I've thought about the possibility of dying sooner than I'd like... and leaving my wife and kids and other loved ones behind... and not being able to live to a ripe old age, etc, etc... it has caused me to cling to my Daddy all the more and know that my trust isn't in the things of this world but in the things of the kingdom that is within. While I want to live to take care of my family, ultimately they are in God's hands... not my hands.

This has also led me to take scriptures such as 1 Cor 15:50-58 much more seriously and to take them much more to heart, knowing that this dead and decaying body is not the end by any means!

Kent said...

Very much agree Joel. Thanks for sharing some of your story.

Kent said...

For those who come here to keep up with what's going on, Jenny is back at home and gaining her strength. we all are very grateful and thankful for her recovery.