Monday, August 11, 2008

IN THE SAME BOAT

At the end of this I have added a link to Baxter Kruger's last blog post. I think it contains wonderful insight and I just love the fact that when I finished reading it I was chuckling a bit inside and was left grinning from ear to ear. Hopefully it will leave whoever reads it feeling the same.

I'm so fascinated with human behavior. I'm fascinated that we all are so very unique and that leaves each of us with very unique experiences. But at the same time we all are in the same boat trying to learn to live with other unique individuals...hopefully in harmony. That is, I want to believe that at least some of us are seeking to live in harmony with each other.

For 18 year myself and my wife lived bouncing off each other in the dance we began on the day we met. Over the years it just became more and more complicated with the addition of children, more and more responsibilities to hold the home together, and more damage and pain caused by our inability to communicate. We can laugh today at the fact that we both pretty much had only heard the unintelligible noises of Charlie Brown's teacher coming from each other during those years. But it took some time for that laughter to arrive...those years were painful...but still we were able to find a love and a life to share. Who knows how we survived it in today's culture were more than half the marriages don't survive? Maybe it was just luck. I do know this about my attitude through it all and I think it is safe to say this is true for Julie also...we had made a promise to each other on the day we exchanged vows and we didn't want to break that. And since we felt like this was for life we both had to decide whether we wanted the rest of life to suck and be full of pain or whether we wanted to try to figure out how to live together in harmony. It's been a tough road but the tough road has produced many new deeper levels of love that had we given up neither of us would have experienced. It's all been worth the pain and arguments.

Three years ago Jesus began disarming me by letting me see how blind I had been as a husband, father, and friend. Owning our own crap and letting go of all of the blaming of the other can be the beginning of a beautiful change and in our family it was. The dance is getting much better. Hang in there friends.

Enough from me now, here's Baxter. There's something in this for both those still working at it and those who have suffered the pain of broken relationships.

KEYS TO MARRIAGE?

5 comments:

Rick Gibson said...

I loved Baxter's post this morning. I'll have to be sure to remember the '11th commandment', that ones worth keeping.

Amy said...

Kent,
Thank you for this post. I just finished reading Baxter's right before coming to visit you.

Both of your posts give me much hope and insight. As I said to Baxter, my deepest hope (and what I will do my best) is that my future husband and I have a loving and good marriage.

I believe marriages CAN work out, if both spouses truly are committed to it. My parents went through incredible pain, and were close on occasions to throwing in the towel. But I know in their hearts, they refused to. And how Papa has blessed and honored their committment. I'm grateful to say their marriage is blooming so beautifully now.

~Amy :)

Aida said...

Kent, what a wonderful post and I can really relate to it. Having been married to the same man for over 40 years, we've had our stresses and problems but as you said we've made the decision to not live frustrated lives and we're still learning how that works out in real life.

I recently experienced a major turning point in this area. I was really frustrated. I emailed Darin Hufford and his advice brought everything into perspective. His very wise to not allow the things that me to enter my heart have revolutionized how I respond.

Your quote in the last post about expectations being disappointments waiting to happen is true. Learning to give up expectations has been very hard. You and I have talked about that and your wise advice has been very helpful Learning to give up expectations and allow Father the freedom to work in others has resulted in greater joy and freedom in my relationships.

Kent said...

Aida, it's funny that I come here and see that you have just left a comment about living free of expectation and I had just come from The Shack forum having just read the latest comments made on the Expectation and Responsibilty thread over there.

I'm glad to hear of the new joy and freedom you are experiencing in your relationships.

If anyone want to read the discussion over on the shack forum here it is:

http://theshackbook.com/discuss/index.php?topic=9.0

artmish said...

Kent,
Thanks for the post and your encouragement in this area. The thoughts you've shared with us about expectations and looking at ourselves instead of everything around us have been very helpful. I know that there have been some major shifts in my own patterns of thinking. It's great to be part of the conversation and to experience God's work of freeing us. There is hope in him for something better.