"When stability (uniformity) is achieved, there is no more harmony." Jacques EllulDuring my first 15 years of parenting I was all about achieving stability. Well the 15th year blew those plans out of the water....thank God.
I'm no longer interested in the absence of conflict through some form of fear or punishment based behavior modification. I'm interested in harmony and that is a product of love...not law. People can learn to live with one another without killing each other but that doesn't mean they have learned how to love one another and it certainly doesn't mean they aren't violating one another in a number of different ways.
Honorable Relations is what I desire for my daughters and for myself with my daughters. Since the experience of my 15th year of parenting and the challenges to all my former paradigms, much has changed....drastically. Sometimes it still leaves my wife scratching her head. Sorry Julie. She really has been a pretty good sport through all of the changes since I injested that "red pill" that year :) hehe
So many wonderful world view changing things happened in my 16 year of being a parent and this little blog post by Tim Neufeld and the mention of Honorable Relations was one of them. It really did set in motion a brand new way of living with these three lovely ladies and then spread out into all my other relationships.
All you bloggers out there remember that. You never know what little post you make that might seem rather insignificant to you that just might be something that sets in motion some beautiful changes in someone elses life...and family.
Where Is The Love? by Tim Nuefeld.......I came to know Tim through our mutual appreciation and love for U2 and all they do.
5 comments:
Honorable relations.
Just lovely :) I love what you see, and are learning to walk in, Kent. It will be the gift that keeps on giving for your daughters, a lifelong reverb.
Ahh, Papa. How beautiful it is, walking in you :)
Sue, if you remember in the Trufaced message with John Lynch at one point he is talking about the big gamble of grace Father Son and Spirit made and asked "Will it work?" he then asked asked if raising our own children the same way would work and that he was right in the middle of it with his own teenage kids. I could relate perfectly. But when the mask has been taken off the punitive approach and you see it for what it is.....grace actually makes more perfect sense than anything else. Honorable Relation are not possible outside of grace....and grace is free and has to remain free for it to remain grace.
Thanks for this, Kent.
As a parent, I still have a long way to come, to get to this point. Thanks for sharing your wisdom; I hope one day to be able to do the same!
I love that quote by Jacques Ellul. In this world, we strive for uniformity but then we lose the beauty that harmony beings. It's kind of like an orchestra with only trumpets playing the same part.
"I'm no longer interested in the absence of conflict through some form of fear or punishment based behavior modification. I'm interested in harmony and that is a product of love...not law."
It's so much easier to use the fear method than to relate to people as individuals but the cost is high. Honorable relations is a good term and a very worthy goal to shoot for. However, as you said, it's only possible when we really love the person.
Yes, you're right. It really is the only way that will actually work. It's a very humbling experience to come to that place of realising what a propensity you have as a human being to follow dead-end streets. Until you get your eyes opened, of course. It's all about the seeing :)
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