While sitting in the Dr. office this morning awaiting his arrival I was reading the book I had taken along with me, a copy of The Shack (cool link). For some reason the chapter Verbs and Other Freedoms was on my mind this morning. While sitting there reading, it became very clear to me as to why I felt led to read it today.
I was there having some blood tests ran to rule out two very serious diseases. Leukemia and Lymphoma. The lesion that was removed from my leg a few weeks ago came back benign yet the type of lesion it was carries with it in adults a low level connection to these diseases and other autoimmune diseases. It will take a few days to know for sure. And being as honest as I know how to be, through this entire episode I have been fear and worry free. Father has apparently done such a work of grace in me and the trust I am living in astounds even myself. It's actually very humbling. The reality is this when it comes to my health: It is what it is regardless of how I react to it. I remained in Father's rest all day long.
The other on going situation that began last Thursday and was still playing out today was the news surrounding our latest adventure in teenage driving. We found out that another car was a total loss and we have been wading through our options. Through this one also I have remained in Father's rest.
One of the decision we made today (it's been looming for awhile now) is we have decided to refinance our home to free up some room in the budget. This is something I have held off doing because we are 11 years away from having it paid for and I didn't want to let the dream of the empowering feeling of owning it out right to die. I made the call to a friend in the Mortgage Industry today once I returned from the Dr. to set in motion the process of refinancing. I am at peace and rest with this decision.
I get the feeling that it is the fairly new found place of freedom and rest that has helped in keeping confusion and indecision at bay. It helps even more when it comes to putting things in their proper perspective. So, how does the chapter Verbs and Other Freedoms figure into all of these things? For starters, it has everything to do with the shift that has happened (and continues to happen) in myself and my wife when it comes to our former way of living with expectations, to this new wonderful place of living with expectancy. Set nothing in stone if you want to live in the freedom of our Father and the life he makes possible. And secondly, it's due to the tangible difference between the former life we lived, being governed by responsibility ( an intense focus, based in fear, on making the "right" decision as opposed to the "wrong" decision) and the new space that has freed us from so much garbage and created enough freedom for us to respond to whatever we are facing in each and every moment of life and what that life throws at us. These are the things that jumped out at me and grabbed my heart and imagination the very first time I read this chapter of The Shack. As I have said before, even though my first reading made me think to myself that this was just a cute play on words, I knew deep down inside the Spirit was stirring something in me that said: "This is no cute play on words....this will help walk you into the freedom you are longing for."
My life since that day is all the proof I need. Watching my wife who has suffered under the weight of depression and fear all the years that I have known her, respond today with such trust, again is all the proof I need.
I want to add here so much from the chapter mentioned above but there is just too much to do so. I suggest if any of this has resonated with you to go read it for yourself. But I will add this exchange. This is Papa telling Mack how she looks at their relationship together.
"What I do have is a constant and living expectancy in our relationship, and I give you the ability to respond to any situation and circumstance in which you find yourself. To the degree that you resort to expectations and responsibilities, to that degree you neither know me or trust me."
"And" interjected Jesus, " to that degree you will live in fear."
I also want to say this; don't worry about me, just say a prayer and entrust me into the hands of the one whom we can fully trust. I will post the results as soon as I get them.