It's not an easy night. I'm pissed off, I'm sad, and I'm hurting. And yet in a way I perfectly understand. People are bringing all they have to bring and we just have to learn to deal with it.
I wanted to listen to some music tonight to help me feel what I was feeling. I hadn't listened to Over The Rhine's Films For Radio CD in awhile and it just felt like the music to fit the mood....and I was right.
No reason to worry about me. I'll be fine...and I get the sense something even better will come into view once I come out the other side of this. I'm getting use to it and even learning to see the beauty (even before it appears) that is often worked into us and the world around us through pain.
THE WORLD CAN WAIT
if this should end tomorrow
all our best laid plans
and all our typical fears
am i running out of lifetimes
this is not the first time
something ends in just tears
but tomorrow i can’t imagine
how am i supposed to know
what’s yet to go down
is there only one religion
the kind that whispers
when nobody comes around
the world can wait
the world can wait
i want to drink the water from your well
i want to tell you things i’ll never tell
the world can wait
the world can wait
i’m wide awake
and the world can wait
i want to feel and then some
i have five senses
i need thousands more at least
every day a page of paper
every night a photograph
a moveable feast
so fade to black and white now
roll the movie of my life
inside of my head
‘cause like all true believers
i am truly skeptical
of all that i have said
the world can wait
the world can wait
i want to drink the water from your well
i want to tell you things i’ll never tell
the world can wait
the world can wait
i’m wide awake
and the world can wait
haven’t i said enough
haven’t i said far too much
haven’t i done enough
haven’t i done far too much
far too much
the world can wait
14 comments:
Kent,
It's uncanny that I can be in this exact same place at this moment. I'm sure the details of our situations are different, but I am feeling all of the above.
"People are bringing all they have to bring and we just have to learn to deal with it." How true...
But that realization makes me even more so grateful for Papa's grace as I realize that my "people" are in the same place as I am...learning to live loved and to love.
I have had a pretty painful couple of days. But today, Papa "trusted" me not to act on my feelings and let Him lead. As the day went on, I could see Him working and His way was best. Go figure!
No, I'm definitely not worried about you...I know you'll be fine.Thanks for sharing that song. I know I'll be fine too.
Well, I'm glad you have such long-range vision, Kent, but unfortunately it doesn't diminish the pain in the meantime, does it?
People just aren't gonna see till they're ready to see and in the meantime they'll be little bastards :)
(And then, o great crushing blow of ego, they'll be little bastards sometimes AFTER they see as well :)
Which sucks. But sin has it's place and purpose. But all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. One day. Some day.
Hey, I almost forgot ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
your are right Sue and the past few days have been full of people fighting to get things to line up to what they think they should be in their personal worlds....at work at beyond.
Kent, I may not know the ins and outs of what your going through, but I do know this, that pain is pain no matter how you look at it. I try to find some kind of comfort in the midst of pain, but sometimes it is too much to deal with all at once. Father has a way of helping me take it on one step at a time without it consuming my life, even though I have moments when it I feel like it does. Thank you for sharing the lyrics with me, and on here. It is capturing my thoughts and is seeping into my wounded heart! I have realized that we all are broken in some way or another, but some just don't want to embrace it or even acknowledge it!
I am encouraged by you!
In Freedom, Nicole!
I hope today was better for you. I also hope I didn't come across in my earlier post as diminishing your pain. It most definately was not my intent. (I hate it when people won't let you feel what you feel, calling it faith!) I'm encountering a lot of that in my situation, so if that's what I sounded like, please please please please please forgive me! I just got excited at the first sign of progress in my circumstance.
However, today for me was not that great. OK, so one day at a time, huh?
I appreciate being able to share with someone who relates to what I'm experiencing. I can see I've got a long road ahead.
Anyway, I do hope today was better for you.
No Carolyn, you came across just fine.
Today was a fine day. I've had so many people in real life and on the net making all over me for my birthday.
Relational struggles and breakdowns just really affect me more than ever. I've taken back all of myself that I had in the past scattered out into so many other things (activities and stuff) and placed it all into relationships. There's nothing else to hang onto outside of Father Son and Spirit and the people he has joined me to. The Father Son and Spirit relationship has been wonderfully real and stable for a few years now and my relationships with others are more full of life also (they just happen to not be as stable as the one with Father Son and Spirit)
I've enjoyed you being here Carolyn
Thanks for sharing that song, I have a friend who is in a tough spot right now and I think that song would really speak to him.
I don't know the situation, but I thought about you and this post today on my way home from work, so I asked Father to do as he sees fit.
Thanks Rick.
That has been my prayer in it all also.
Hopefully the song will be of help to your friend.
Yeah, that whole thing of people trying to force things into how they require them to be, rather than entering into the great Is ... it's kinda scary, actually.
(And by saying that I'm not saying that I am "there" in terms fo never doing this. In fact, it has been scary to see in myself these big parts of me that still do insist on seeing things as I need them to be because ... well, because I can't quite get there yet. It seems to be weird strange indefinable furnace burnings that dross away all of this stuff. All these weird times of all of a sudden being able to see clearer.
But oh, what a mess this world is. I just think about how amazing it will be when, one day somehow, all of us are living in the pure reality of Is, without masks and pretensions. Wow, imagine how much clearer the air will be!!! :)
Happy Birthday!
Thanks Carolyn.
Sue, I'm reminded again of the twists and turns that obviously are just a part of relating to other humans and how everyones personal unhealed damage makes it tricky thing at times.
I'm not running from relationships because I know this is so true and it's all so worth it.
"I suppose since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing and I know grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."
I'm still running from relationships a bit, in some ways. I still need so much time alone by myself to recharge, whcih is a strange thing for a supposed extrovert :) Still, seasons for everything.
I think part of life is being willing to be vulnerable. I've been working out boundaries a lot over the past couple of months and in the end have just come to the conclusion that people are going to overstep them, invade them, etc. It's like a Brueggemann version of doing things: realising you let people do things you dont want them to because you have broken down walls, then enforcing some boundaries, and then on the other side being able to allow people to walk over you sometimes because THEY have broken-down walls.
Ps: That Shack quote is a mantra of sorts these days, isn't it :) A shining beacon.
I do admire your journey, birthday man (47, is that correct?) thanks for sharing it with us
I tell my oldest daughter all the time that the choice to love someone is really about making yourself vulnerable. There's no avoiding it.
The Shack quote really does in those few words say it all.
And not that it really matters whether it is 47 or 46, other than one is my age and one is not.....I'm 46 today :)
You know, thinking back on the day....this has been a birthday that stands out amoung all the others. There was such a genuineness from all my co-workers today (which there usually is on a day to day basis anyway...it's just today it was all directed at me)and the birthday thread on The Shack forum and all the people on facebook and here also. There you go again...relationships.
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