Wednesday, January 13, 2010

BREAKING THE MOLD




Breaking the mold is an integral part of freedom. Modifying it is not enough. Aren't ya glad the author and the finisher is patient and doesn't force us to do anything? If force isn't a part of transformation/freedom, why is it that so many seem hell bent on forcing these things to happen? Especially when it comes to others.

I was thinking this morning about this in regards to parenting. Seeing my daughters live disciplined lives is something I believe would eliminate some chaos from their lives. But how I go about helping them along the way is of vital importance. This is where breaking the mold applies and taking force off the table is a part of the breaking that needed to happen.

It's a stunning realization when one begins this transition as a parent, as you come face to face with all the reality that everything you have done up to that point has been by force/coercion. And don't get me wrong...force and coercion on children might produce disciplined young adults and grown adults, but that is no longer what I am interested in and it's not what I am referring to when I use the term disciplined life. The disciplined life that has been achieved through force and coercion and fear is as destructive, if not more so, than an undisciplined life. Perspective is everything. I learned this first hand the hard way. I was disciplined and responsible and driven which had led to "success". And in that place this was also true. I was an enemy to the mold that produces the disciplined life that I am now interested in for myself and my daughters....and you.

The spaces are so drastically different and in turn it almost makes the old vocabulary unusable. The discipline I now see emerging in my life and seek to see in the lives of others, is the fruit of love....not the discipline that is the product of fear. That old conventional wisdom discipline, is a completely fear based activity because people have grown to loath the chaos of the undisciplined life. It usually leads such people to hate everyone else that is undisciplined or at least less disciplined than they are. If we can't see that that is a problem and a violation of love, we have yet to come face to face with love and grace.

Here is something else I have begun to see. The disciplined life born out of love often times looks completely undisciplined to the person living out of the one shaped by fear. Fear hates freedom and freedom is a scary thing to those still governed by fear and law.

My daughters are jumping for joy in regards to this ongoing unfolding transformation....even if at times they might still yell at me or their mom...."Please, just punish me" or the more common one..."She needs to be punished"

Believe it or not, love and grace are far more costly and while still on the other side of transformation....people who have yet to begin to understand love and grace....simply prefer the law and strangly enough sometimes even for themselves. Fear shame and guilt leave people in a very very strange land, especially in light of the astounding good news.

4 comments:

Sue said...

"people who have yet to begin to understand love and grace....simply prefer the law and strangly enough sometimes even for themselves. Fear shame and guilt leave people in a very very strange land, especially in light of the astounding good news."

++++++

Yes, it's amazing how blinded we are, isn't it. I can see it too in my own soul, in unregenerated spaces that shrink from the light and prefer punishment to the agorophobia of grace :)

Kent said...

It's all pretty strange.

Free Spirit said...

Dang, this is good, too, Kent. And for me, the frustrating part is the waiting and realizing that I, myself, can't break the mold.

You've touched on some very difficult points of parenting that I look forward to seeing changed in my life.

Kent said...

I have had to let everything I had learned about being a dad go.