Some people who know me have expressed to me that the way I think about things would wear them out if their minds worked that way. A friend awhile back told me that my grey matter was someday going to explode :-) This morning, like many mornings, certainly has been normal in that regard.
I've loved the exchange this morning with other people also. Some of that came in the form of comments on Facebook, and then a face to face conversation with someone I have shared all my life with, and upon my return back home, a private message from a friend was waiting for me. It all has converged into one.
While in the face to face conversation, the observation in regards to my way of thinking came up along with something else that at first created a moment of disbelief for me. I was taken a back a bit. Along with them saying my way of thinking would leave them worn out if they thought that way, they also said that I didn't seem as happy to them as I used to be and that a couple other people had conveyed similar observations to them as well. Guess what the effect on me has been? More thinking :-)
One of the things I said to them was that in most cases, the response I get from others, has been the exact opposite. I also said that I understand though that the space I am occupying today in many ways make no sense to others who can't wrap their heads around that space that is wholly different than the space I used to live in. What I have observed though is that it has left many intrigued, others confused, others indifferent, and even some pissed off.
In the time that followed that conversation, what seems to be a better way of describing it all came to mind. Peace and joy and contentment is not the same as happy. One of the things I mentioned to the friend was that I do not have the wild swings anymore from the highs of happy to the lows of unhappy. Peace and joy and contentment have a way of carving out a more stable experience. But what has become more clear as I have thought some more about these things is, the illusions that are at the center of the happiness/unhappy paradigm that most live in, create many more illusions for those looking in on another's life. I might have seemed more happy before simply because I have always been the kind of person that can put a more positive spin on things...but I wasn't really ever full of joy and peace. And more than likely, the happiness was just a mask.
Juxtapose that with this. When reality begins to come into better view as one is in the process of being set free from the illusions, it changes everything. It has opened up for me something I had never before experienced. And I certainly appreciate and understand how that can leave others with a false perception. This life really makes no sense to the natural mind and eyes.
How would I describe it all? I have never felt more content and stable. I have never been more at peace. I have never been more full of indescribable joy, and the mess of the reality that I see more clearly and honestly than ever before, the reality that we find ourselves in, has never before created as much pain as it does for me today. Maybe some see that as less happy? To me, I've come to know it as compassion. It is just the Jesus I have come to know and am learning to walk along side as he walks with me.