Friday, July 29, 2011

TUG OF WAR



Tonight while out under the end of the day sky, alone, there was a bit of a tug of war in play. It's been a day that could be described as the full spectrum of human experience. Mel was doing better this morning then his body went septic and had a turn for the worse, then the kidney dialysis began to work and he began to do better again later in the day. This is going to be a rough go for him and Theresa and Tyson. I spent several different moments on the phone with our daughters who were having their melt-downs while they were in Springfield caring for Mel and Theresa's son and trying to pack the things he needed so they could bring him back here to stay with us. And Julie called a few times for encouragement as she is still there at the hospital in Indiana in the heat of the fluid stressful situation and having to begin to face a long drive alone tomorrow to come back home for work tomorrow night on very little sleep. While sitting out there, all of things things were fresh in my mind.

It was a good idea to head to the hilltop this evening.

I often wonder how many people can relate to the feelings I have while out in the landscape under the cosmos? It really is all at the same time, both freaky and magnificent. The outside natural world has been completely fused with the inner presence of belonging, the kingdom of heaven/the eternal, inside me. As the sun made her decent towards the horizon, her light sent beams reaching through the clouds both into the heavens and down to earth and created a feeling of there being nowhere any of us can go that somehow places us outside the embrace...the nearness of the Divine Presence. I guess in a sense that somewhat answers my question above. Most people seem to struggle when it comes to knowing they are being constantly embraced and that God is near them at all times. As for myself, I sense it everywhere, especially when I am out where the natural world is visible. It's something that should be a constant reminder of the Creator's care for us and the wasteful extravagance of it all. WE ARE LOVED.

So those two competing realities were what created the tug of war this evening. We can't escape either one of them no matter how hard we might try. We don't get out of this world without having to tangle with both.

With that being true, here's my encouragement. I know most of you are already struggling with the chaos in varying forms that is this world of uncertainty. I know that. I see it all the time. I'm less certain though at this time of how serious the wrestling is with the Divine. No one can do this for us other than ourselves. Unfortunately many put that wrestling off towards the end of their lives or until some devastating storm comes bearing down of them and strips them of their illusions of control. Why do we avoid it for so long? I avoided it for all those years in religion. Others avoid it in other ways. When all the while, it's this wrestling with the Divine that can calm the storm created by this world of uncertainty. We are already caught up in that struggle unwisely thinking we can gain control over it when we can't. It just makes good sense to at least explore the invisible realm and to look deep inside ourselves towards our inner life to see what kind of calm is waiting to be awakened there. The trustworthiness of the elements and the cosmos can help us with that.

While out this evening parts of this video clip kept coming to mind.

http://www.youtube.com/wat​ch?v=LtEL7u1BnTQ

4 comments:

Sue said...

Hi there, Kentster. I'm a bit out of the loop. I don't know who Mel is (shall have to go back and read more of your blog) but I hope he gets better.

I'm reading The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying at the moment. An interesting read, to say the least, especially in terms of the difference between the Tibetan culture and our own, and the way those different cultures treat those who are dying. It's important in Tibetan culture that those who are dying are cared for so that they can die peacefully. The writer was disturbed in the 70s upon his visit to the West of how the dying are discarded, and he remains disturbed.

I think there is a such a link between our fear of death and our fear of the Divine. What has struck me in this book is the strong emphasis on learning to die well in this life, so that you have an understanding of what's going on when you actually do die.

I think you are someone who has begun to learn to die. It's why you can stand and be absorbed by the sky so well :)

Kent said...

Sue, Mel is the husband of Julie's cousin. He was in a terrible car accident on Thursday. Julie traveled on that day to where the accident took place about three hours from us so she could be there with Theresa. My daughters traveled to pick up their 2 year old son on the same day and he has been staying with us in our home. Mel made his journey to the other side yesterday. It's just been a difficult few days around here.

And I think you are on to something about the fear of death and the fear of the Divine being connected. The journey I've been on with the Divine has certainly been setting me free in a way that is teaching me how to live in the here and now and how to just let the dying thing be. None of us get out of here without passing through it and we have no control over when and how it all happens.

Kent said...

I posted this first on Facebook. It followed several other posts describing who Mel is.

Sue said...

That's so sad to hear that, Kent :( With only a two year old boy :(

Glad you can take solace in them there clouds and that there landscape.